I Hike Now

… and man do I enjoy it!! 

Sunday I went for a hike with a friend and it was fantastic! We did a mile and a half loop (although we didn't know until we were a mile in and realized we hadn't looked! Oops) and considered doing it a second time because it felt so great! Not sure how our muscles would feel the next day we chose to stop instead and I already can't wait to go again!

I often miss Chicagoland and the people I love there, but spending a Sunday in God's creation in TN? That's a little bit of heaven in its own...

Friendship

When I became friends with R... The very beginning of our friendship... it was over music. She knew one of my former roommates and came over to our house and after everyone else went to sleep we sat on my living room floor (because floor sitting is the best!) and she had her iPod out and I had iTunes opened on my laptop and we talked music. Which led to movies. Which led to this crazy awesome friendship. I truly treasure it. 

One of the things we used to do was take walks together. For hours. For miles! We would get started talking and there was no telling where we'd end up before we turned around. At some point that got lost… we became less motivated maybe… who can remember? 

Last night we went for a walk in our old stomping grounds. A neighborhood with sidewalks and a multitude of street lights. We're not as fast as we once were, but we walked 2.3 miles in not quite an hour... slowly we're working on it. And as we go, we've decided to add in running. We're going to sign up for a 5k in October. 

Working on it... telling ourselves we can do it and making plans!  

It's a start. And I'm grateful to have friends working on this journey. I'll take all the help I can get!

Pottery

Have you ever had to do any kind of arts and craft project that used clay? Specifically wet clay? 

I've taken a lot of art classes in my life, but my favorite was always pottery. Just a wheel, some clay, water, and your hands creating out of it... I always insist that someday I'll have a pottery wheel of my own. Maybe a kiln, or just using clay you can fire on a grill. 

Sorry for the tangent. Clay. Wet clay on your hands that starts to dry. 

That's what dry sweat feels like to me. 

I hit the gym for 2 hours tonight to watch So You Think You Can Dance (one of my favorites!) and I was all kinds of a disaster. My hair was in pigtails tied with yarn because I had no hair ties at work and I had janky earbuds that I don't like... Sweat was literally dripping from my scalp down my pigtails and dripping onto my shoulders and back. 

Lovely picture, I know. 

But the sweat post workout... sticking to my face and shoulders... starting to dry in the air conditioning of my car... it felt like I could scrape it off like drying wet clay. 

Just an observation for a Monday night... 

Sometimes..

I forget that I have blogs. I forget how much I used to like to write... to put myself out there in some small way for the world. I haven't blogged here in well over a year. A year I spent not going to the gym and not caring... really in just a hard, bad, dark place. I kind of just gave up. 

You see, I love my job. I really genuinely love what I do and the people I work with are like my family, but I was working crummy hours (by my own doing) and I just stopped doing anything else. I worked and I slept and that's almost it. I didn't do much more. I worked 10 hour days until 10 at night and then I'd be awake until 5 am and spent my days off catching up on sleep. 

I was depressed. 

But things are a lot better now. Over a year later. I'm working 8 hour days and I'm off work at 7. Those 3 hours make more of a difference than you'd ever imagine. I'm sleeping regular hours and my stress levels have gone down dramatically. I even want to go out and do things with my friends again. I rejoined the gym that I had quite because of the hours of operation and I'm so glad I did. 

Even before starting up the gym again, I dropped about 15 pounds just because of my stress levels and sleep habits. I'm so thankful that my company cares about their employees and that my boss and coworkers invest in me. 

So I continue in this journey called life... and I'm embracing re-found joy in small things... and I thank God for that joy. 

1 Year & 3 Days

So much. So busy. So many excuses. 

So here I sit. I joined a new gym after my old gym ceased to be open 24 hours. The gym is right next to me. I'm in my car, lights off, windows up (it's been in the 70's today!), playing on my phone, and motivating myself. 

I made it 40 minutes last night. Pretty good considering I hadn't really been to the gym in several months. But I'm so disappointed in myself. I know what I was capable of. 

But how do I get back there if I don't walk in?

Let's do this…

Making Decisions

So, blog friends, it turns out I'm friends with some people who are awesome (yes you... bat yourself on the back for me... did you do it?... good...)

But more tangibly, a coworker cooked and pureed me some food because of this lack of eating thing (she was concerned with my nutrition... because she's ridiculously thoughtful in a way that puts me to shame). So, chicken and squash and veg and more. So much better for me than baby food.

Also, my new church houses some new friends one of whom, it turns out, is a dietitian (who actually went to school with my current nutritionist); and someone in my small group is a personal trainer... just found that out on Wednesday. I've already gotten some tips from each of them because they're awesome and my friends. You see, this stuff going on with my teeth isn't cheap and I'm starting to think financially towards the future (like a good little budgeter - proud of me, Pops?) And due to some offered free advice and counselling and such, I'm thinking about what might need to change.

I know that I need accountability... it's really the only thing keeping me going with this weight loss... so, you should stay tuned blog friends... I'm still going to be going to my doctor this month, but that all might be changing.

Financial challenge accepted.

How Not To Lose Weight

Soft food diets due to a root canal. It's pretty much trying to find foods to eat that aren't mashed potatoes and pasta...

Did I mention I have rosacea and dairy seems to be a big trigger? So yeah, no yogurt...

I'm glad whey powder doesn't seem to have the same effect as normal dairy, so I can add some protein that way... otherwise, I'm eating scrambeled eggs and baby food..........

Literally......

Also, per dentist, I'm not allowed to workout very hard or very long because it causes blood pressure to go up and then there's all that pain in the tooth.... why does it have to center there, the throbbing pain.....

*sigh*

I'm starting to feel defeated

Last Published on January 13th

To quote my littlest nephew, "What the what???"

In the back of my mind, I kept on thinking... blog. You should blog. Come on, Joy, you have all of these emotions bundling up, things to say and share and give back... blog... do it... BLOG!!! But I didn't listen to the little voice inside my head. Instead I lived my life and went on and moved about and went crazy and found other ways to deal with things. The funny thing is, when I pulled this up, all I saw was "Last posted on January 13, 2013" and I really have no idea what i blogged about. What was it, blogging friends?

C'est la vie, I will update you anyway... sorry if I overlap (although chances are you've forgotten, too!).

hmmm... I took a break in January. A break from weighing in... a break from the dreaded scale... I hit this point where my feet wouldn't move another step on an elliptical. I couldn't push myself. I hit the proverbial wall and just the thought of getting on a scale made me want to vomit.

I wish I could say things have been great since, but unfortunately they haven't at all. I went up on the scale (due to muscle gain and water retention) and I'm still trying to get rid of that extra number. I know it wasn't a bad way to gain it, but it's still frustrating when you feel like you're backtracking. Going up on the scale was not what I was looking forward to. But since then I've gone down.

Although I did miss another weigh in... not by choice, though, or by wall hitting. But by actual vomiting. It was a rough few days (and day and a half off of work) and for several days I barely ate anything. It was less than stellar. Now I'm fighting with myself to get back to the gym... I got so used to not being there and my evenings are so much longer! ;o)

But I fight and continue... I learn and freak out at the thought of standing on a scale, but I do it anyway...

Little Victories

In conjunction with the last post where I talked about wanting to run and stuff...

Treadmills were rough on the knees... and the back... after the inflamed disk, I've been VERY cautious with anything that caused an impact on my joints (read: I haven't walked or been on a treadmill or used anything other than an elliptical in a very long time.

Until last night.

Last night I did a 15 minute warm up and cool down on the treadmill... I signed up to do the Nashville Color Run in March and I figured I needed my body to start getting ready for it.

Today? NO PAIN!!!!!

I mean other than the aches from an early morning Zumba class ;)

13 Pounds and Running

So random, right?

I hit a milestone that I'm still uncomfortable really talking about in just under 13 pounds... how that for vague? But I told myself a few months ago that about 13 pounds from now, that when I start trying to run again. It's about 45 pounds off of my 5'6" frame (I'm down 33.2 as of right now) which (according to "them") is like taking 135 pounds off of my knees...

I may have fought myself from using an explicative in my head just then (sorry Mom and Dad)

I think that's the first time I've done that calculation and I realized what that total calculation will be in the end... *phew*...

Back to running... I've always been determined to do it. I've attempted and stopped a few times in the last couple of years (shin splints, laziness, knees); but this time I really want to get it going. I've read lots and lots of articles and I've realized that it's one of the most effective workouts and frankly, I feel like runners are the epitome of healthy.

Don't ask me why I think that... it doesn't even make sense in my own mind... I think maybe I've been jealous for years of all of those people that put on a pair of shoes and just go.............

I'm trying to convince myself that I can be down those pounds in the next month if I really buckle down, and then I run.

Who's with me?

emotional and crazy

... so this should be a fun post! *sigh*

My heart is hurting a lot. For the town of Newtown, CT and for all of the Americans who are wanting to adopt from Russia.

I'm kind of a train wreck.

As of before I came home for Christmas I was down 31.2 lbs which is exciting... I was probably more excited about that .2 than any other weight loss before that.

And now I'm home for Christmas and if she were here, W (my nutritionist) would be hitting me... but not literally...

I've been to the gym, though not as frequently as if I were home, and when I've been eating meals they've been healthy, mostly... except for that one time I met up with some of the guys for dinner and drinks at this new delicious New Orleans restaurant here in town. It's called French Quarter and if you live in the western suburbs of Chicago, you should check it out... for realz!! It's not really diet friendly, though.........

Don't tell W about the 1 1/3 beignets..... sssshhhhhhhhh...

Otherwise, I think I'll just get in trouble for all of the missed meals.... *sigh* better do better starting today, I go back to the doc on Thursday.

I'll start with that yummy stew my dad has in the crock pot for dinner...... it looks and smells delicious and he had an awesome sous chef ;)

Holidays

I was doing great with the Christmas season, even with parties every day of every weekend. I'm up to 31 pounds lost. AWESOME.

But I'm SO nervous about this weeks weigh in. Last week was crazy. I was getting over being sick, I went to see Aerosmith (*sigh*), and then I had a party at my house on Sat and Sun and I had to work Sat..... I haven't been to  the gym since last week..... Wed?... maybe? And while I don't think I've done bad with eating, I've barely tracked anything and I had a couple of days that I ate 1 meal and maybe a snack?

I get in just as much trouble for the missing meals as anything else.

We'll see what Wednesday morning brings.........

My Secret Goal

I had a secret goal that I didn't tell anyone. I wanted to lose 25 pounds by Thanksgiving. Yesterday was the first time I saw my parents since I started at Beckman's & I wanted the loss to be… awesome?

Challenge complete! 25 pounds down!!!

On a side note, way to go today Rachel and Gail and all of the other 20 people I knew and hundreds of others who ran/walked the Borodash!!! You're awesome!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving =)

Still

I'm still annoyingly food obsessed =o\ Tracking out a day's worth of meals every single morning and not allowing mysellf to change it. But this week... *phew*

This is Thanksgiving week... and today is Monday... and I've figured out all of my calories for Thanksgiving day.

All of them.

I've also found a recipe for fresh cranberry sauce made with stevia... excitement!

My parents are SUPER supportive of me and they're coming here for Thanksgiving this year, and they're ok with skipping mashed potatoes and stuffing (although I will miss them), but I refused to give up pumpkin pie!

Turkey, cranberry sauce, steamed veggies, pumpkin pie, and fat free redi whip.

check, check, check, and double check!

Don't...

... get used to all this blogging. 3 posts in two days? It's like I've gone crazy! ha!

But I thought I'd share about today's doctors appointment. I've waved goodbye to another 2 pounds this week...

I'm struggling with it a little bit. After killing it at the gym for a week and going all but one day I really wanted for more. And my nutritionist said that my body is getting used to the changes from going to the gym and to give it a week, but I really wanted like a 5 or something.... It's crazy... I should be THRILLED!

It all adds up, I know... but I'm just so ready for all of this to be gone and sometimes I get so over it... and then I think I'm doing AWESOME, and 2 pounds.

It's good... I know... I'm fighting with myself... and I'm giving myself tonight off from the gym so I can kill it all over again on my day off tomorrow...

Killing it With the Hunger Games

Tomorrow is my weigh-in, but today I killed it... May the odds be ever in my favor ;o)

Last Night & Tomorrow

The day I joined Beckman's I met this awesome woman who had (at that point) lost 86 pounds (now it's like 93!). She was super encouraging to me, this new girl who was so overwhelmed and unsure. Who's tried it all before and failed. I "friended" her on MyFitnessPal and she's been so positive, especially on my worst days.

Since the start, she's invited me to a workout class at a local rec center. Water Zumba. Well, thanks to our Veteran's (Thanks, Pops!!) I had off of work yesterday and was able to make it to the 5:30 class! It was SO fun!!!! Of course today I'm a little bit sore and thankful for spray on icyhot, but I really think I'd go back on days I have off of work. While I was in the water dancing away I kept on thinking "this isn't so bad... easy..." HA! since about 11 last night all I can feel is my arms and legs hating me.

Too bad they're going to have to deal with the gym tonight too ;o)

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm nervous. Every single week I find myself giving myself a pep talk...

"It's ok if you don't lose any weight, Joy. You're trying really hard and this is a lifestyle change. You're going to the gym a lot and building muscle and sometimes just because you're a girl your body will freak out and not let you lose. Really, you'll be fine. You can do this."

I really wonder if I'll ever feel positive about myself and everything I'm doing right now. I'm going to the gym about 5 days a week and now I'm going for at least an hour a day. Yesterday I did yoga in the morning and water zumba at night. I'm burning calories and eating healthier. Tonight I've almost convinced myself to do an hour and a half thanks to this new machine A told me about at the gym. People are noticing that I've lost weight and asking me how much I've lost. Yet I'm convinced the scale won't move.

Working on positivity.......................

Wellness

I think I off-handedly mentioned in a previous post that I joined a Wellness and Weight Loss Clinic at my doctor's office. I should have actually mentioned it.... I'm doing just that now, so that counts right?

It's been 5 weeks today since my very first visit.

Hard to believe for me, but it's been great!

Don't get me wrong, it's been ROUGH. Honestly, there are a few restaurants I can't even think about eating at ever again and sometimes I wonder what I'll have to give up in a day if I ever want to eat pasta again.

I know there are adjustments and I obviously needed to make them. I gained all of this weight somehow, right? I can't expect it to magically fall off without giving up anything or putting in some of the work. I just wish that I could do a little bit of magic and *poof* gone!

Wishful thinking, I know...

However.... ready for this?... Five weeks from day 1 and I'm down 20 pounds even.

I guess there's just something about accountability.

And friends that meet me at the gym.

And me making myself go to the gym even when someone can't meet me.

And accountability.....................

How Do You Measure That?

I just ate a piece of Key Lime Pie so small it would have fit in a tablespoon measure.

Who'd have thought that would ever happen? E.V.E.R.

But seriously... how do you count those calories?

This is my second week tracking food daily in my life EVER. I've tried before and laster 4 days... maybe... 
I don't know if I ever thought I'd see the day that I was counting calroies so closely that I would be that curious about calories in that tiny piece of pie? I remember well the days I would have a slice, and a good size slice at that! Key Lime Pie is within my top 5 favorite desserts!

Fits in a tablespoon?

Me?

Who am I??

Hello Old Friend

I went to the gym tonight… my long standing/not used often enough membership was put to use. My friend A met me there after I got off of work (I'm so thankful for supportive people in my life!!). We warmed up together and then I stuck with cardio while she did some weights.

I only made it for 40 minutes before my back started getting twingy, but I'm celebrating the achievement of making it to the gym!