Friendship

When I became friends with R... The very beginning of our friendship... it was over music. She knew one of my former roommates and came over to our house and after everyone else went to sleep we sat on my living room floor (because floor sitting is the best!) and she had her iPod out and I had iTunes opened on my laptop and we talked music. Which led to movies. Which led to this crazy awesome friendship. I truly treasure it. 

One of the things we used to do was take walks together. For hours. For miles! We would get started talking and there was no telling where we'd end up before we turned around. At some point that got lost… we became less motivated maybe… who can remember? 

Last night we went for a walk in our old stomping grounds. A neighborhood with sidewalks and a multitude of street lights. We're not as fast as we once were, but we walked 2.3 miles in not quite an hour... slowly we're working on it. And as we go, we've decided to add in running. We're going to sign up for a 5k in October. 

Working on it... telling ourselves we can do it and making plans!  

It's a start. And I'm grateful to have friends working on this journey. I'll take all the help I can get!

Pottery

Have you ever had to do any kind of arts and craft project that used clay? Specifically wet clay? 

I've taken a lot of art classes in my life, but my favorite was always pottery. Just a wheel, some clay, water, and your hands creating out of it... I always insist that someday I'll have a pottery wheel of my own. Maybe a kiln, or just using clay you can fire on a grill. 

Sorry for the tangent. Clay. Wet clay on your hands that starts to dry. 

That's what dry sweat feels like to me. 

I hit the gym for 2 hours tonight to watch So You Think You Can Dance (one of my favorites!) and I was all kinds of a disaster. My hair was in pigtails tied with yarn because I had no hair ties at work and I had janky earbuds that I don't like... Sweat was literally dripping from my scalp down my pigtails and dripping onto my shoulders and back. 

Lovely picture, I know. 

But the sweat post workout... sticking to my face and shoulders... starting to dry in the air conditioning of my car... it felt like I could scrape it off like drying wet clay. 

Just an observation for a Monday night... 

Sometimes..

I forget that I have blogs. I forget how much I used to like to write... to put myself out there in some small way for the world. I haven't blogged here in well over a year. A year I spent not going to the gym and not caring... really in just a hard, bad, dark place. I kind of just gave up. 

You see, I love my job. I really genuinely love what I do and the people I work with are like my family, but I was working crummy hours (by my own doing) and I just stopped doing anything else. I worked and I slept and that's almost it. I didn't do much more. I worked 10 hour days until 10 at night and then I'd be awake until 5 am and spent my days off catching up on sleep. 

I was depressed. 

But things are a lot better now. Over a year later. I'm working 8 hour days and I'm off work at 7. Those 3 hours make more of a difference than you'd ever imagine. I'm sleeping regular hours and my stress levels have gone down dramatically. I even want to go out and do things with my friends again. I rejoined the gym that I had quite because of the hours of operation and I'm so glad I did. 

Even before starting up the gym again, I dropped about 15 pounds just because of my stress levels and sleep habits. I'm so thankful that my company cares about their employees and that my boss and coworkers invest in me. 

So I continue in this journey called life... and I'm embracing re-found joy in small things... and I thank God for that joy. 

1 Year & 3 Days

So much. So busy. So many excuses. 

So here I sit. I joined a new gym after my old gym ceased to be open 24 hours. The gym is right next to me. I'm in my car, lights off, windows up (it's been in the 70's today!), playing on my phone, and motivating myself. 

I made it 40 minutes last night. Pretty good considering I hadn't really been to the gym in several months. But I'm so disappointed in myself. I know what I was capable of. 

But how do I get back there if I don't walk in?

Let's do this…

Making Decisions

So, blog friends, it turns out I'm friends with some people who are awesome (yes you... bat yourself on the back for me... did you do it?... good...)

But more tangibly, a coworker cooked and pureed me some food because of this lack of eating thing (she was concerned with my nutrition... because she's ridiculously thoughtful in a way that puts me to shame). So, chicken and squash and veg and more. So much better for me than baby food.

Also, my new church houses some new friends one of whom, it turns out, is a dietitian (who actually went to school with my current nutritionist); and someone in my small group is a personal trainer... just found that out on Wednesday. I've already gotten some tips from each of them because they're awesome and my friends. You see, this stuff going on with my teeth isn't cheap and I'm starting to think financially towards the future (like a good little budgeter - proud of me, Pops?) And due to some offered free advice and counselling and such, I'm thinking about what might need to change.

I know that I need accountability... it's really the only thing keeping me going with this weight loss... so, you should stay tuned blog friends... I'm still going to be going to my doctor this month, but that all might be changing.

Financial challenge accepted.

How Not To Lose Weight

Soft food diets due to a root canal. It's pretty much trying to find foods to eat that aren't mashed potatoes and pasta...

Did I mention I have rosacea and dairy seems to be a big trigger? So yeah, no yogurt...

I'm glad whey powder doesn't seem to have the same effect as normal dairy, so I can add some protein that way... otherwise, I'm eating scrambeled eggs and baby food..........

Literally......

Also, per dentist, I'm not allowed to workout very hard or very long because it causes blood pressure to go up and then there's all that pain in the tooth.... why does it have to center there, the throbbing pain.....

*sigh*

I'm starting to feel defeated

Last Published on January 13th

To quote my littlest nephew, "What the what???"

In the back of my mind, I kept on thinking... blog. You should blog. Come on, Joy, you have all of these emotions bundling up, things to say and share and give back... blog... do it... BLOG!!! But I didn't listen to the little voice inside my head. Instead I lived my life and went on and moved about and went crazy and found other ways to deal with things. The funny thing is, when I pulled this up, all I saw was "Last posted on January 13, 2013" and I really have no idea what i blogged about. What was it, blogging friends?

C'est la vie, I will update you anyway... sorry if I overlap (although chances are you've forgotten, too!).

hmmm... I took a break in January. A break from weighing in... a break from the dreaded scale... I hit this point where my feet wouldn't move another step on an elliptical. I couldn't push myself. I hit the proverbial wall and just the thought of getting on a scale made me want to vomit.

I wish I could say things have been great since, but unfortunately they haven't at all. I went up on the scale (due to muscle gain and water retention) and I'm still trying to get rid of that extra number. I know it wasn't a bad way to gain it, but it's still frustrating when you feel like you're backtracking. Going up on the scale was not what I was looking forward to. But since then I've gone down.

Although I did miss another weigh in... not by choice, though, or by wall hitting. But by actual vomiting. It was a rough few days (and day and a half off of work) and for several days I barely ate anything. It was less than stellar. Now I'm fighting with myself to get back to the gym... I got so used to not being there and my evenings are so much longer! ;o)

But I fight and continue... I learn and freak out at the thought of standing on a scale, but I do it anyway...