1st Day Back…

…and already a little sore.

I made it to the gym today with my friend A! It was the first time I've been in a very long time. There is something that I find really intimidating about going back to workout after a too-long break. I'm sure its psychological or something; but I've been planning on going to workout since the beginning of the year, yet I always had a reason… an excuse. I was too tired, I forgot my shoes… you name it.

Does anyone else feel strange about going to the gym after a long absence? Like you're going to be judged for paying "dues", for lack of a better word, but not being there.

It could just stem from being overweight and feeling like I'm being judged for that all the time...

I don't know what it was, but I know I'm grateful to A for asking me when we were going to go and following up with me. Today I stepped inside the gym I have been a member of on and off for the last 6 years; here are our feet to prove it:

Embarrassed.

That’s me… I've have this blog for a while that no one could read. It's my embarrassed self trying to decide if I really want to talk publicly about losing weight and being healthy. It's about being transparent to others.

Terrifying.

I have to lose weight. Have to. I’m unhealthy and I’m tired of being tired all the time. I’m tired of feeling unattractive all the time and I’m really don’t want to die of a heart attack in the next 20 years. I’m really ashamed of how much weight I have gained since high school. My family is pretty fit, and I used to be.

I have a goal. It's somewhat crazy and probably unrealistic and I'll try my best to talk about it in the future. My goal is to blog thru it. Through the highs and lows, the excitement and sadness, the loss and plateau's.

I blog. I like to write. This is what I do... Hopefully losing weight is what I do, too.

So here I go… my attempt at losing it…